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The need for prayer.

Asalaam.
One of my greater problems was the need for prayer: I simply do not pray when I need to. The act of prayer seems so strange and hollow to me. When I was young, things seemed to work out for me well, without prayer. I knew there was something up there watching out for me when things down here got hairy. As I grew up, my ego and my problems grew as well: it wanted to be the one in charge.
Things that upset me will eventually make me sick like my car and job. I feel that those things are under my control, I FIX MY CAR: it works better and I CHANGE MY JOB EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT: better job.
Then the duty of prayer as a Muslim come into play. Holy Batcave. Five times a day, I cannot even roll out of bed for Fajr. Mostly said in Arabic and carried out in a specific way, I’m just a clumsy scratchy record.
While I was writing this piece, something strange just occurred to me. Allah Subhana-wa-ta’Allah could have smashed my little ass a long time ago. Yet, He did not do it, I will never know why. And I do not want to know, it is not my place.
Perhaps I should pay my sincere to Him for all that He has done for me, insha’Allah.

Wasalaam.

Asalaam aleikum

Hello, everyone.
My name is Gail. I want to talk to Muslims from all walks of life.